I feel so goddamn full and bursting at the seams and at the same time, I feel empty. I want to scream and I want to shout. And laugh. Laugh laugh laugh laugh. But I also feel like I want to cry. I feel so neurotic. So uppity. But strung out. I am so high, but I am so
Today is the day a grade school friend of mine passed. We rode the same bus and in eighth grade, we were locker buddies (we were supposed to pick our lockers out the first week of school during our first period [which we had together] and he asked me to save his until he got a lock for it). I got to start and end my days seeing him and at other intermittent intervals. He was always a nice start to the mornings. He’d sniff me, most days. I also made a promise to him this day, four years ago. It was a silly one and part of our locker brotherhood… "Tomorrow, I promiiiise!"
God. God. God.
In retrospect, I realise his silly, fun-loving nature has helped me a lot as a person and with a variety of aspects of interpersonal relationships.
I’m going to carry my lock around with me today (he’d make fun of me about it)(not for carrying it around; but for treating it violently).
None of this is fluid, I don’t think. But here it is for me and no one else: that makes it okay.